Greetings from a place on earth called Canyon Lake, Texas, where it is currently hotter than the 9th Level of Hell. No fireworks allowed here. Too dry. And it is also a place of unique vocabulary.
Took Walt for a walk this a.m., and discovered that it is no fun to be a Black Lab in Texas when the sun is beating down on that shiny black coat. We had to soak him down in ice water when we got back. The poor lad was panting for at least an hour, front paw to forehead, trying to cool himself down. He is fine now, as he received as much cold water as he could lap, plus a medicinal helping of BBQ chicken skins at lunch to ease the pain.
Because it is The Fourth of Jewel-Eye here in Texas, we went to the local grocery store to pick up some holiday vittles. Being good Yankees, we inquired as to the whereabouts of spicy hot sausages to burn on the grill. The lady we asked at H.E.B. told us she didn't know if they had any of that "High-taleon" sausage, but we could "look right quick" over in the meat aisle. No luck. So we went to the Super-S grocery establishment, where some of the clerks had their faces painted as Texas state flags in good ole red, white and blue.
On the way to the "High-taleon" sausage aisle, I passed a couple in deep discussion about the possibility that they were out of holiday condiments. Both male and female were dressed in husband/wife matching outfits: camouflage shorts with matching caps and t-shirts with arrows pointing up that read, "Just Add Beer." The man asked the woman, "Are we outta Murkle Whip?"
Did find the sausage, and the cashier showed her gratitude for our purchase by telling us, "Thank yeeeeeeeeew. Y'all have a fun 4th."
There is lots of vocabulary in Texas. At TexasMonthly.com, Anne Dingus has collected quite a few Texas phrases. Go to http://www.texasmonthly.com/ranch/sayings/index.php for a sampling, including:
a) Talkative: "He's got a ten-gallon mouth."
b) Happy: "I haven't had so much fun since the hogs ate Sister."
c) Hot: "So hot the hens are laying hard-boiled eggs."
d) Immoral: "He was all over her like ugly on an ape."
e) Big: "That guy is so big he has to sit down in shifts."
f) Ugly: "She's so ugly she'd make a freight train take a dirt road."
g) Ugly 2: "He's so ugly his mama takes him everywhere she goes so she doesn't have to kiss him goodbye."
h) Crazy: "He's got a big hole in his screen door."
RODEO POSTER: Photographed on bulletin board outside Super-S Grocery Store, Canyon Lake, Texas