When venturing along the road of life, a person cannot help but discover the philosophical undertones of the locations one visits. A good source for this kind of wisdom is always the local TV news.
Have visited places where the top story at 6 p.m. is "Guess who wore flip flops to meet the President?" or "Find out what famous person attended the corn boil today!"
But my favorite is the local newspaper, chock full of life-changing knowledge. You can find helpful health hints, like "soak your feet in Listerine to rid your toes of unsightly nail fungus" or "pour a bottle of Diet Coke over your hair to fade hair dye...and even remove it!"
But to keep up with current events, one immediately turns to the local police blotter.
Here are some from a local Montana newspaper:
7:34 a.m. A lady on Blanchard Drive tends to verbally harass passing drivers while walking her dog. She was informed that this behavior is unacceptable.
Why Are We Here?
10:02 a.m. Employees at a local convenience store are not pleased with the presence of a man who lingers for hours, drinking cup after cup of coffee. His justification lies in the fact that the store offers free refills.
No Respect for Nature
11:17 a.m. Somebody stole a lovely pot of petunias from a home on Mission Trail.
Call the Fashion Police!
1:22 p.m. A man wearing a short-sleeved black dress and carrying flowers lifted his skirt at a pedestrian near an Evergreen supermarket. The flasher then scurried behind a nearby building.
The Price of Gas is Going Up
2:12 p.m. Nine or ten men and women were seen "jumping over the fence" at a Martin City baseball field. They were described as "baggy-pants, rap-type people" and were believed to be stealing gasoline.
2:22 p.m. Five kids threw rocks in the road on Nicholson Drive. They all agreed to refrain from doing so in the future.
The Middle-aged Should Exercise Daily
3:17 p.m. An intoxicated man in his 50s was seen waving and swinging his arms near a local sporting goods store.
What Else Was He Wearing?
4:11 p.m. Someone noticed a man in a brown jacket pushing a stroller down Highway 93.
Call 911...Ah, Never Mind
8:03 p.m. Reports of a 'man down' in town turned out to be a case of a simple leg cramp.
Thank Goodness, or Was Alcohol Involved?
9:14 p.m. Someone saw what was described as a "big fireball" in the sky on the north side of Hash Mountain. Although the reporting party believed it to be an aircraft, all planes in the area were fully accounted for, and all was well.