Free the Nun Bun

LAPSED CATHOLIC CENTRAL, MASON NECK, VIRGINIA, Dec. 28 --

The Nun Bun is gone.

So reports the Washington Post in an article dated December 27th.

Why does this stuff always have to happen around the holidays?

The folks at BongoJava in Nashville, Tennessee reported the theft of the "Immaculate Confection" to police, along with news about the discovery of the divine danish:

"The bun was actually discovered on October 15, 1996 – more than two months before the first bit of media attention. Store manager Ryan Finney made the discovery when he innocently was about to eat breakfast at about 6:45 am before the store opened. Something made Ryan look at the pastry before he ate it and that's when the discovery was made. He waited patiently until 7:00am when the next employee came in and then hurriedly pushed the bun in front of Todd Truly's face and said "What does this look like?" A barely awake and very surprised Todd replied 'Mother Teresa.' The same test on the first few customers who came in that day confirmed the 'miracle.'"

Reports of folks suffering from angst, disbelief and gnashing of teeth have been coming through the wires all day. Here are excerpts from their anguished letters:

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHA"
- J. Landry, poet, New Bedford, Massachusetts

"Some people have really vivid imaginations...looks like pastry to me!"
- D.Shepherd., artist, Mason Neck, VA

"Hmmm. Looks more like one of the Seven Dwarfs to me. Dopey, I think."
- Q. McDonald, jewelry-making dame, Alexandria, VA

"Someone seriously needs to get a life...or a cinnamon bun...I'm not sure which!"
- P. Biggs, music critic, Barboursville, VA

"I swear I was nowhere near the place. I was too busy being tortured by my family at Christmas. You must believe me!!!"
- P. O'C., Irish CFO, Falls Church, VA

"Gezz...that's really creeping me out..."
- J. Amberg, dog walker and future respiratory therapist, Alexandria, VA

"Is nothing sacred anymore? Next they will be stealing all the Elvis-shaped rocks from Yellowstone."
- R. Frank., programmer and cousin, Charlotte, NC

"Maybe Mother Teresa came back and got it... I can't believe someone stole that thing! Bastards..."
- E. Gratto., writer, Iowa City, Iowa

"What dastardly criminal would commit such a heinous crime?  Is nothing sacred!?!?!?!?!"
- H. Masse, nurse practitioner and Zazu restaurant enthusiast, Guerneville, CA

"Is she a saint or a pastry?"
- K. G. Mankin., educator and sister, Lorton, Virginia

And of course, at trying times like these, those free-thinking gosh-darn liberals come outta the closet:

"What did they expect??...How long did they think that something as valuable as that would just sit there???? I think someone decided to set it free...Free the Nun Bun!"
- D. Havens, sculptor and artist, Mason Neck, VA.

Watch these pages for future Nun Bun updates. Must go now. There is a Swanson's TV dinner in Kansas City that's cooking up a resemblance to Albert Schweitzer.

-- 30 --